Thursday 30 July 2009

friday night, out of sight

this week i bought..

into the idea of aural therapy..



Jónsi & Alex. to be reviewed soon.



Ryan Adams - Cold Roses.

non-fiction (well, mostly)



amongst other things, the sari industry in new delhi ain't doin too good.mm hmm.


couldn't find a new, improved life for sale anywhere. bummer.

Tuesday 28 July 2009

Something's Definitely Changed

Being so far away from home, returning to its warm shores was something I always looked forward to. ‘Oh, for the comfort of family and friends,’ I would sigh and sigh again. The vicious veracity of it all was that I had illustrated this powerful image in my wistful mind, hoping that it would bring such great happiness, or at the very least, a sense of belonging. How terribly wrong I was, for each time I returned, though not denying moments of ephemeral ecstasy(hyperbole), shattering disappointment and ripe frustration eclipsed all that shined.


Coming home this time was a lot different. It’s as if the roots were pulled out from under me, unsuspectingly, and thrown out to sea. Granted, there was a bit more space in my house, which in time I will adjust to and accept as real, but the change in my sentiment for ‘home’ could not be explained solely on this premise.


The truth is that I was finding it increasingly difficult to attach the word ‘home’ to this house, which I had spent most of my living years in. Unsurprisingly, this coincided with my inability to detach myself from the place which I had lived in for a mere two years, which felt more like ‘home’ to me than any other place. How do I come to grips with the fact that my ‘home’ will be, in time, little more than a fleeting memory of ‘better days’? How do I come to terms with reality?


Perhaps this change is in part attributable to a reconsideration of what the word ‘comfort’ actually connotes to me. I find it intriguing and somewhat distressing that once you attach a word to a thought, an emotion, it becomes fixed forever and that thought, emotion ceases to be anything else- for it cannot be anything more than what it is said to be for it to be comprehensible to others. Follow? Well, it doesn’t really matter.


Before you prematurely assume that I have lost all sense of family, I feel that the obvious must be stated - of course I still find ‘comfort’ in the unparalleled affection of my magnificent mother, a sturdy sense of security in the mere presence of my brother; ‘convenience’, if not ‘leisure’ in not having to ever cook and clean around here; I am most grateful for these things but I have constantly tried to look beyond this, to find something, anything, to make me feel better, to make me feel whole and home, but at the end of the day I find myself staring into an abyss, hollow and alone. Ah, the inadequacy of growing older with essentially only what you have had your whole life- you definitely want nothing less but indefinably want so much more.


I miss the simpler days, so undemanding, where I breathed more than I held my breath. But so long departed they are now that they just seem illusory, like a dream, like love. All that remains is evanescent anyway. To redefine solace or to discover it anew is probably just what I need, but just what I need(in a strictly non-sarcastic sense) rarely comes my way. But alas, I hear reality again, telling me that all I really need to do is rectify my oblique perception of what life should be.


Well, that’s about enough cheerfulness for today. The pathos of ill-equipped changes ends here.



Love.

Thursday 23 July 2009

the last days of the last days

so now its my turn to move out of flat 5.feels like i'm sending the best part of my life into exile.the process has been so tiring.too tiring.too tired to type, to think.

so,

Sunday 19 July 2009

2 more days

i have two more days till i leave this house. Flat 5 Amazing House. it feels weird to think that Flat 5 is no longer my home and my used to be holiday only home is now my forever home.

not looking forward to this at all except hugging and kissing my babycakes everyday. mr c and baby c whos no longer a baby because now he likes to hump his mommy according to my sister. i missssss my cats.

haih i dont wanna go back please please please please

Friday 17 July 2009

star light, star bright

when the going gets tough, i just keep a hopeful gaze locked on my window..



they told me nothing's impossible. so i'll just sit here and wait. if neverland is too far away, i don't mind traveling back in time to this :



and staying in that moment forever.

Saturday 11 July 2009

most of the time i got nothing to say

hello hello. mellow mellow. july feels like december and i'm not just talking about the weather. well this is my fireplace :

Friday 10 July 2009

hearts apart



for my little traveler in Nice.

oh all you hipsters can go ahead and roll your eyes to this because its just too mainstream for you. i don't fucking care.

Thursday 9 July 2009

if anything was too touchy



that should make sense to you

for the hopeless romantic that we deny



yes yes yes yes yes

she was always down

this blog has been infiltrated by sciolizm's music.

soo now is my time to shine....



justtt becauuuse :D

boys who love me boys who hate me boys who never rate me

now is a great time to write. dont ask me why but it is the best time.

who cares what micheal jackson is (only god will judge). muslim,christian whatever. snoop dogg aint muslim (did u see him at paris hilton's party?) NATION OF ISLAM doesnt mean they're muslim so please let IT GO. seriously its over. LEAVE IT! even if he was muslim, r u gonna start praying now? :/

oh well religion will always be a touchy subject and i shld just keep my opinion to myself.

what is new what is new. i got my boxes. WUHUU im moving for realz. that should make mom happy. and im still amazed by m83.

that is all.

cant wait to shop for realz now.

of pebbled beaches, deerhoof and poor health.

we went to brighton. we went to a DEERHOOF gig there. they were good. i didn't take any pictures but this is what they look like.




i really can't say much after being teleported to heaven during the m83 show. oh, the magnificence. anyway, brighton is one of those places which you can't help but fall in love with during the summer in dreary england. beautiful boys on bicycles don't kill the view either. there was also a pretty cat, which we named several times that night, which i think made me awfully ill the next day.







i love it regardless. and i love brighton too.and i don't use the word love liberally. but as usual, here are some more pictures, which will by followed by a song by some brighton locals (completely aware that i lose street cred for paying heed to them)






let the voices of the youth be heard

no further demands.

(i can see many of my closest friends rallying in the front line for this campaign)

and here, a thematic tune with an aptly named band. this is probably the only song by them which i actually like

Wednesday 8 July 2009

rare loyalty


this is jordan catalano (fine, jared leto), as many of you may recall. he was one of my first major celebrity crushes and i think i can still see why.even though my so called life aired in 1994/5(i think), it only reached the faraway shores of malaysia when i was about 10 (1996). and now, 15 years later, i would still marry him in a heartbeat and have as many children as he wants. or none (even better). and if you plan on bringing up 30 seconds to mars, we all go through rough phases in life...but hardly any of us come out looking this bloody good.


you're still jordan catalano to me.

we own the sky

so yesterday was m83 day. they were FANTASTIC.

today i waited for the boxes to come so i can pack. but they never came.

tomorrow i have to wait for them to come again. they better not charge me extra.

LIFE IS GREAAAAAAT. no seriously its better than being home.

magic

if you do not like m83,just leave.but then again, its possible not to like(love) m83. we went for m83's gig yesterday at koko, camden. with m83, its not the lyrics. the lyrics are like a side dish you didn't order and don't have to pay for.you don't need it but its not all that bad having it there.maybe im a sucker for a shoegazed daze but wo,there is magic in music and m83 has fucking proved this. at the gig, it was as if a new galaxy was being created right there and then, before my eyes. and all i could do was stand there, completely absorbed and mesmerised and watch. and watch. and watch. and just when you think its almost done, you're trascended to some distant point in some circumstellar space, experiencing the most unexplainable yet powerful chemistry with this magical, magical music. well i know everyone loves pictures over words so here :
the tickets




the magic







the crowd

Friday 3 July 2009

when i'm really ill won't you cradle me?

flat 5 is ill. BBC NEWS asks : Are you worried about swine flu? hells yeah i am. i want to pack my bags and move to..planet health.

Wednesday 1 July 2009

automobile

having a car here would be nice(understatement). listening to this song while driving might be nice too.