Hat is back. Just that she's less bitter.

It dont make sense

After bajillion years of selfreflection, i still cant figure shit out. How do ppl get things right? Trim the excess, and keep whats your's yours. How do you even know whats yours?

Im just gona blame this on the effin race that i was born into, and the friggin lame mentality that they choose to live on to.

Be real, and trust that someone, even one person can appreciate that.

I am that

i'm on 15, going on 16

16 years old. Do you remember how it was? Those years of rebellion, rebelling against anything, against everything.

Tell me you recall being steadfast and convinced of your ideals, of yourself, only to eventually allow the very ground you stood so firm upon to get pulled from right under your superficially firm feet.

I remember it all. 9 years later, I stand upon the same shaky ground. Sure of nothing, but sure that I don't want it all.

This kid here, zoo kid. If I was 16, I would want to be him.

But we always want to be someone else, be it in retrospect, present or in the future.

How long has it been? Who's counting?
Convenient explanation = lack of inspiration. It would be a stark untruth to say succumb to the typical excuse of ‘nothing has been going on in my life’. Mary, mary, quite contrary. Too much has been going on in my life. Dare I even articulate it? No, I daren’t, Instead, I’ll share various tracks which i have ever so indulgently overplayed in the past 3 months.

I will begin with Nicholas Jaar. LEGEND.

Here we go. Enjoy, lovelies.

After 25 years of living, breathing, and not wanting to be here, i realized, life is friggin unfair.

U get your dream bag but not your dream boy. And we all know dream boy >>>>>> dream bag.

Sigh, life.

terrible love

Ahh finally,

new music


what is estuary?

and very random purchase


This week isnt that bad after all.

I have to lose my idols to find my voice..

And so it happened. Voxtrot disbanded. I am silenced by sadness. The trepanation party is over, everyone exits -shoulders drooped, eyes to the floor. R.I.P. greatness.


Ramesh wrote:

The career path of Voxtrot was truly one of long, simmering build, explosion, and almost instantaneous decay. Slowly, I am learning to replace any feelings of regret with positive memories of how amazing the whole thing was, and how it has, in an unexpected way, fortified my character.

Making great art requires one to be fearless, and sometimes I've given too much energy to fear. Whenever I read an interview in which a band
claims they are going to return to the sound of their earlier, more popular work, a small part of me aches for them. It doesn't work like that-the popularity of the earlier work is based upon the sense of newness felt by the musicians at the time of creation. So, how to get back the newness…?

Approximately eight months ago, I spoke to my friend Simon and indicated that I was ready to give up on music, or at least leave it for the indefinite future, but he reminded me that you can't dedicate yourself to another job or a degree, or some other distraction just because you've got nothing else going-if you have the feeling that you were born to do something, you've got to follow that feeling.

As he told me, "Do it because you love music. Do it with passion."

And so I did what I had to do. I swallowed my pride and got two jobs, one of which involved clearing the dishes of the filthy-and-not-so-pleasant-rich, and while this sudden change in lifestyle was not altogether ideal, I was constantly aware that I was building towards something.

For me, the most important thing in life is leaving behind something beautiful, something that finds its way into the lives of strangers, and forever alters them in a positive manner. Sometimes, being able to do this means that you have to work the shitty job and serve bread to rich idiots, but whatever, it's better than just cashing in your chips and spending the rest of your life wondering, "what if…?"

In the end, I've come to realize that there really isn't any cause for disappointment. The fact is, the songs still exist, and the music of Voxtrot lives on as a sovereign entity which, outside of all criticism, positive or negative, belongs to the guys and me, and to everybody who ever loved it or believed. Taking into account every person I've met, every place I have visited, every emotional exchange I have ever had with a listener, there is absolutely no room for regret.

In fact, the other day, I was thinking about it in the shower and decided that my situation was analogous to Peter Falk's glass eye. You probably don't know this, but I am a massive fan of Columbo-it is the only detective show in which there is no mystery, thus the entire reason you watch it is because you just love him (Falk) so much. It is a true testament to the power of a strong character. Anyway, when Peter Falk was five years old, one of his eyes had to be removed, due to a malignant tumor. Obviously, this is bad, BUT, had it not happened, he would never have developed his signature stare, which, let's face it, accounts for at least a small percentage of his overall appeal. Whatever I create from this point on, I will only create because of everything, good or bad, that has happened thus far.

Being in Voxtrot has been wonderful and amazing, but it is only one chapter in the book...

When I was in high school, I was a great fan of the Scottish band, Travis, and I have always harbored a secret desire to meet the band's frontman, Fran Healy. Not so long ago, at my friend Lucy's studio in Berlin, I had the fortunate experience of doing just this. He was buying a painting of hers, and we spent about three hours conversing. Eventually, our conversation drifted towards the ebb and flow of our respective careers, as well as the anger that comes with not knowing how to pull oneself out of a creative rut. Obviously, our two careers have been on different scales, but nonetheless, the associated concepts are universal. At the end of the conversation, he said to me, "You can't to keep writing the same song. You have to throw away the map. AND you have to keep creating, even if it goes nowhere for a while, you have to always keep creating… and it'll be great."

And he's right. I must leave again-take a risk, do something radical, but in order to do that, I need closure. This is not to say that Voxtrot will never play again, and certainly, if Voxtrot has never been to your country (or continent) we are open to ideas, but for all intents and purposes, this series of live shows will be the last.

Part of doing something with love is being able to say "goodbye" at the right time. Thank you for everything. On to the next one...

Love,
Ramesh

?

....im losing hope, what else is new. future is as bleak as my beach body 2010. NOT GONNA HAPPEN.



yeah stop complaining.

what will spring bring?

spitting clouds, which a shy sun hides behind. with all its might, it tries to sustain winters chilly winds. its time to let go, spring. let go, let go, let go.

Wednesday The Third

seventeen years old. divine whines coloured my post-curfew hours with the warmest hues of disappointment, rejection and general teenage rebellion. in reverie, 2003.

the coming of age

not so long ago they lured us in with their choppy math rock riffs. upon their return, they are barely recognisable. they seem to have traded in the shock effect for mild, mellow serenity. this is understated, this is haunting. just the way i like it.one more to add to the soundtrack of an endless brutal winter.

(its good to know that i'm not the only one who has aged about a decade in a year.)

do u want it all?

i like this



and



i just want to dance tonight and forget about everythiiiiiiiiiiiiing. except i have to find a place to go, ask someone to come with me, find a place to stay for the night, and urgh worst part; driving.

only to know it would suck anyway (u know why)

so much effort for nothing.

Silence Suits You

You know you’ve suffered substandard company when you can compile a list of quotes like this one... (substandard being my chosen euphemism for stupid).

7. ‘I really like that song New Shoes by Pablo Nutini.’

6. ‘I wanted to ask you in my text if you went to buy pyjamas but I don’t know how to spell it.’

5. ‘I really want to join the Hare Krishnas. What are they?’

4. Upon being asked about his brothers’ middle names. ‘I always get confused which belongs to whom.’

3. Upon being asked how to spell his middle name. ‘Hold on. Let me check.’ Reaches for ID.

2. ‘Is the band called Friend EP or Grizzly Bear?’


[WAIT FOR IT..]


1. ‘Who’s Buddha again?’


Of course my patience ran out. Of course I let it show. And so, he said:
‘Don’t talk to me like I’m thick.’

Right.

2010 take on life

Like.

live and learn ?

amongst the things i really want to learn is how to blink like this :



believe me, i've tried. a friend of mine mastered the art many years ago. pure talent.

the end is the beginning is the end

2009 is finally over. Cue huge sigh of relief. Happy 2010 everyone.

Fitness First

Grab two girlfriends or flamboyant gayfriends and get in shape for summer with this:



Sweat it out slow.

All I Want For Christmas Is.... ?

Wow. Two posts in one day. I told you Christmas is always uneventful for me.
I've been thinking of the gifts I would have liked to receive today. My mother usually makes me choose my own birthday gift (alongside other gifts which she posts to me because I'm always, always away from home). She knows how fussy I am. To be honest, the best non self-picked gifts I have received are from Hat. Tis true. But ah, I digress.


Funny how at the end of 2009, it has become apparent to me that my list of 'wants' has shrunk considerably. So, my Noel list is short and sickly sweet. Here we go:

1. Home. I want to go home, even if it's just for a day. I miss the comfort of my mother, brother and my dearest friends. I miss the sticky humidity, my cats, the leisure of never having to do any house work. I miss the countless nights with my closest friends, which would end just before dawn at some random greasy food joint..with iced lemon tea served in the most unhygienic manner but more importantly- every night concluded with smiles plastered all round.

2. Okay, if home doesn't work out, I want Hat to live with me here again. Actually, this tops my list.


3. A cat. A cute, congenial, fluffy one. Preferably black with green eyes.

4. Jellybones reciprocity. Only hat will understand this.

5. Good grades and a good job here next year.

Too bad you can't box and wrap up most of these things. Too bad I didn't get any. Oh, well.


Merry merry.

25:12

Christmas morning...

has never meant much to me.Red stockings, tinsel and tassel, eggnog, mistletoe, mince pies, mulled wine. These things never furbished my December days.

Merriment is supposed to lace the air but when I gazed out of my window this morning, the streets were stripped bare of people. Fog engulfed buildings in the near distance. And even now, inching in closer towards the PM, not a sound is heard. Cheer is trapped indoors today, where the doors are locked by the warmth of familial love. Must be nice.

Happy Christmas, everyone.