Confession #1

Not the best image, I agree. I adore Freja Beha to tiny uncollectable bits and pieces but bear with me, please.

Due to my pathetic SkyTV subscription, I was forced to watch ‘How To Look Good Naked’ whilst eating dinner. Tuesday night Trash TV at its lowest point. With little else choice, I watched the first ten minutes of the show and began to feel slightly nauseous.

The host of the show said that most women have a distorted body image. I find it hard to reconcile with his submission, seeing how women here (ENGLAND REPRESENTN’!), regardless of shape/size, go out half naked on their nights out about town. The sight: Nasty.

Anyhow, it’s more than a bit worrying to think that most of us mortal females loathe the way we look and I have always been far from ready to accept this as a truth. I guess I never fully appreciated it but, after watching ten minutes of the show, I’m inclined to believe that a lot of us girls have an issue or two with the dreadful mirror. Yes, I am the ultimate sucker.

Hmmm, I’m sure you’re expecting me to take things more personally.I will oblige.
I stand taller than most girls and a lot of people have told me that ‘it’s a good thing’. As much as I’ve tired, I honestly do not see it that way. I’m less than half an inch away from 5’11, which means that wearing heels brings will translate my usual form to that of the BFG. Not pretty. To give you an insight on my ‘great heights’, the least I can say is that most guys are shorter than me and that as the feeble other sex, they would not want to date a girl who towers over them. Boo fucking hoo.

Second, my BMI of 16.5 tells me that I am underweight. Do I believe it? Hell no. Given the choice, if it did not require starving myself to death, my personal ‘ultimate’ BMI would be...(drum roll, please) fourteen point two. Yes, 14.2. No, I am not anorexic. All of my friends will tell you that one of the very few things I’m impeccably talented at is eating more than a girl should. In spite of this baffling tug of war game, I have, at the very least on a personal level, come to realise what the problem is. The girls who stand at my height that I find attractive, are obviously drop dead gorgeous models. It is not great. I am unsure as to when it happened but, somewhere, somehow, I decided that I should morph, in as many ways as possible, into what THEY look like. I have never fully welcomed this conception (perhaps in self-denial) but as ugly as it is, it’s the truth.

On this note, there are a few things that should be pointed out (and I will sigh in relief if some of you agree with me):

1. I think mirrors are a generally a massive let down. Thus, I get a bit nervous when I look into one.

2. When people tell me I’m thin, I honestly think ‘you’ve got to be fucking kidding me.’


Based on these two very simple points, the most straightforward conclusion you could draw is
Thinner= happier i.e. end of body image issues

WRONG!


Trust me, girls. Once you’re pretty much as thin as you can get, you will move on to other things to scrutinize. Typically, the most palpable victim will be your face. For me, its the easiest place to target flaws. You compare images of what you think is attractive to that of yourself and think, ‘Fuck, I’ve totally missed the mark.’ I am unsure as to how to reconcile with this, but I have grasped its mechanism- you look at glossy images and yearn to replicate such perfection, such beauty but then the mirror haunts you and you’re left with little else than disgust. Then, if you are anything like me, you will be left with the grand finale of an utterance of an inarticulate ‘Ugh’ under your breath.

No, no, no, I am not suggesting that we stop reading our favourite fashion magazines or, at the other extreme, that we stop eating or go under the knife...instead, I think we (or I, at the very least) need come to terms with what we tend to view as body image ‘shortcomings’. Perfection is overrated. If I ever saw a guy who looked like Depp or Pitt, I probably wouldn’t pay him much attention because I’d think that he is completely devoid of any trace of personality. If I see girls on the street who look too ‘put together’, I don’t bother looking at them. I feel that they’ve succumbed too much, too far, into the whole faux conception of beauty- and it sickens me.

So, what do we do? What do I suggest? Firstly, that you don’t waste your money on therapy..they’ll tell you what you already know. You can talk to a wall and buy an amazing pair of shoes instead. Second, SERIOUSLY learn to love yourself. You must be good at SOMETHING. If you can’t establish what it is, if you have good people around you, or at least ONE good friend you can rely on, you should know that you aren’t doing so badly. Beauty which is met with the eye fades and dies, it’s a fact. I think we need to look a bit deeper to find something more substantial to hold on to before we let our obsession swallow us whole til we are left with absolutely nothing at all.

As it is, I feel that I’ve said too much.I don’t know if this makes any sense at all to you, dear reader, but if it does, kudos.

Xx
scio